guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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