I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize