I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
