sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
