what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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