everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
