I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
