Are we in a gay sports bar?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
