what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
