I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
