If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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