So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
