I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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