Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
