toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
