Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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