i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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