i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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