I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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