Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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