I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
