I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
