the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
