I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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