So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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