dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize