I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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