life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i out mim tonsoeep
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