It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
