Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
