i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
