I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize