I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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