come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
