You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
