All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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