Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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