Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
