I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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