So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
