Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
