you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
