if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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