my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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