I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Text me some of your sweat
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