I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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