I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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