it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
