Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
