happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
