Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
