Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
