We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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