I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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