We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
