phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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