New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
