i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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