i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
