I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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