I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
the raccoons are back...
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