I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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