After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
