You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
