she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
