fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
