Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
