She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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