Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
