3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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