it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
