so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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