Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Found your dick twin last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
