Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
